piano or geetahr

theres a couple reasons why i often turn to video games when im trying to clear my head. for one, it gives me a level of control that you cant get from watching television, watching movies, and other passive activities. being able to control what goes on in whatever video game im playing is huge, especially in times when im uncomfortable with the level of control i have in my life.

also, i can listen to music that fits my mood while i play video games. this just adds, in so many ways, to the way i can release myself while playing video games.

even while listening to music and playing a game, i can step back and think about random shit in my life. this way im sort of distracted and focused on the task at hand. ive always gotten a lot of good ideas while zoning out to music and video games.

im all over the place right now

for now everything just seems so right

"she said it's okay, rubbed my head and told me to relax, laid a n**** down proper like she was recordin tracks, said i know you wanna change the world but for the night please, just reach over and hit the lights please"

this is the biggest thing i look for/need in a relationship. i think that its easy to come by good times with just about anyone but its much harder to find someone who can ease your mind when things arent going the way you want them to. sometimes i need someone who can talk me through the bullshit in my life.

like one night, fresh off an intramural basketball game that my team lost, i couldnt find anyone to vent to about how i fucked up a rebound that i normally get 10 out of 10 times. i realized that it wasnt the kind of thing i could vent about to just anyone and feel like i really got things off my chest. it was the kind of thing that i had to vent to someone who really knows me, understands me, trusts me and cares about me. that kinda shit only comes from a loving, committed relationship. as much as i miss the other things that come with being in a relationship, this has to be the biggest thing i miss.

i promise you im not as emo, simpin, or suicidal as some of these posts would suggest. LOL

now we on the rooftop

some people will tell you to never stop working and to never settle. this is a great point and something more people should take to heart.

however, this line of thinking fails to mention that its necessary to take time out to step back, look at how fortunate you are, look at how hard youve worked for where youre at, soak it all in and enjoy. this isnt necessarily settling; youre simply reaping the rewards of your hard work and being thankful for all the blessings you have in your life

this gave me a good laugh when i really needed one

additionally, women who can touch their elbows behind their back have very good genes

I Fell Asleep Beneath the Flowers

"this is something i actually feel really strongly about. men and women are both so obsessed with maintaining their masculinity/femininity that it limits them."

if a lot of women i know were more assertive as far as approaching men, they'd see a lot more results. if a girl came up to me and made it known that she was interested, i'd be very much impressed; so much so that i'd take care of the rest of the first impression stuff(going out together for the first time, getting to know each other).

if a girl were to approach me and wasn't ambiguous about her feelings(a lot of women have no idea how ambiguous they can be about their feelings), she'd be head and shoulders above every other woman who's not trying to approach a guy she's interested in.

adding on to the line about ambiguity, picture this. a girl comes up to a guy and strikes up a conversation. there might be some slight flirting, but it's ambiguous. they have a good time and enjoy talking to each other.

later on, the guy assumes she was interested. maybe he makes a move on her, *like a man should.* however, the girl is disgusted, and she can't believe that she "can't approach a guy without him thinking that she's into him. men are such DOGS!"

or maybe the guy enjoys the conversation but thinks maybe she's not really interested, she was just being social and wanted to make a friend. he doesn't make a move(which btw, is what guys are *supposed* to do). the girl, who actually was trying to make a move, is disappointed, even mad, that the guy didn't catch on and try to make a move. now the guy is made out to be clueless and not a man because he didn't do the *manly* thing and make a move.

Ladies, life is too short. Go introduce yourself to the guy at the bar who's been checkin u out all night. He's probably wishing u would. The same goes for guys, of course. But I think a lot of women get caught up on the man making the first move.

-Mayer Hawthorne

this is one of the reasons why im not a big fan of gender roles. i believe we've got to realize that we're more alike than we are different and that encouraging gender roles limits us more than it empowers us.

she said its okay, rubbed my head and told me to relax

i like to write about random things im thinking. simple, funny things usually go on twitter. more lengthy, personal affairs go on this blog. still, there are things that i want to write about that have no place on the internet. but i still want to share these things with people. i feel like sharing these things would be beneficial and hopefully even therapeutic not only to me but to my listener.

everybody gets a nice autographed picture

as a pacifist of an almost militant level, it would take a lot for me to physically harm someone else. i dont discriminate against sexes, races, sexual orientations, or for any other reason really. if i were at this particular incident, i wouldnt hesitate to lay these women out. i dont believe in the philosophy that "you never lay hands on a woman." this is a prime example of where it'd be perfectly fine to do so. if you think you could simply push each of those women off and effectively defend the woman theyre attacking, you've got to be clueless

Living in a World of Fools

I often wonder "is this as good as my life is gonna get?"

It's a sad thought but luckily my life has gotten progressively better. I hope that if it ever does go on a permanent decline, that I'll have properly enjoyed the highs of my life

Lovin It

im a fan of 9th wonder and little brother. im not the hugest fan. i listen to them on and off. but when i listen to a song that i havent heard before from them, you just knowwww its them.

Angels Cry

It's 420, but I don't smoke and I never do drugs. Never even tried it because it's not worth it to me, above the influence 21+ years & going. I'd RATHER GO SHOPPING! Call me straight edge, I don't care, DON'T JUDGE ME. :)

from a friend's post on facebook

we've got to get away from this kind of thinking.

not the idea that drugs are bad and we need to avoid them. whether or not you partake in that kinda stuff is a personal decision that no one else can really touch. however, telling others "dont judge me" while youre passing judgment on others is just soooo hypocritical.

its not my place to talk to this particular friend of mine about how i feel about this kind of thinking, but we've got to discourage this kind of thinking. it only brings more and more negativity

btw, what does it mean to "judge" someone anyway? theres such a negative connotation to it. is there a context where you could use it in a positive way? lol

no fairytale conclusion yall

its a damn shame how i cant make connections with some of my guy friends because theyre too far gone with maintaining an image of masculinity. i knowwww i could get really deep with them on some really good stuff but their masculinity serves as a roadblock

I Just Can't Make That Block

This and more at Love Letters From Dope People

What is This? This, this.....i dunno.

DAGNABBIT

Beauty in the Breakdown

ive been in a very simpin mood lately. picture me alone in my dimly lit room, singing/crying/sobbing along to frou frou's "let go."

then 10 minutes later, staring blankly at my wall while kanye's "blame game" comes on.

yet another 10 minutes later, picturing me with a girl, watching fireworks while "all of the lights" plays.

finally, another 10 minutes pass and i realize that what i want is a girl who'll "rub my head and tell me to relax" like in j.cole's "lights please."

i'm gonna look back at this post in a few months and want to light myself on fire lolllll

In The Cut

i think that im a very independent person. independent meaning i value and require space and time to be alone.

i realize, acknowledge, and even covet a loving relationship. but sometimes when im just starting to talk to someone i like, and we start playing the games that *are* necessary between two people who might like each other, and those games require some time, effort, and energy, i often think "fuck this. i don't need this. im fine by myself. i don't need to go through this unnecessary bullshit." i imagine that ive pushed some people away from me and even friend zoned some people as a result of my lack of effort.

i hate it when people post things like this

he lost his soul

one thing i try to do as much as i can is to try and experience a whole range of emotions. i wanna feel the worst of the worst and the best of the best.

i wanna know how it feels to be truly heartbroken. ive felt heartbreak before but i want to feel it a million times worse than i did

Not All Nice Guys Go Unnoticed

My friend says this is me. amor de mi vida

Overworking My Heart

My friend Ryan Esteban is a fuckin beast.

I'm Just In Awe Of What's In Front Of Me

Sometimes I feel like I'm not very unique. When I feel this way, I end up doing random/stupid things that make me feel less like I'm not setting myself apart from others

They Say Success is the Best Revenge

He's got a good grip on this art shit. Crazy how soooo many people don't understand these things

I've Been Found Out So Now I'll Never Explore

I often find myself in conversations with people who are much more witty and funny than I am. I end up saying things that are absolutely not funny nor witty. I'll catch myself and start tensing up, not wanting to taint the conversation with my boring remarks

I Was Strugglin To Get In, Left Waiting Outside Your Door

Get That Poop Out Of Here

”It’s very rare that I feel small around anybody, especially a woman that I like is just.. I am in a confident position right now. She is an amazing woman that made me feel nervous, man. She made me feel small, she’s an overwhelming being. Like she’s beautiful, talented and her personality is almost like scary. And for the first time a woman just brought back that feeling from when I was 17 or 18 and I appreciated so much, because you get into this position that sometimes you just get numbed to all those emotions that used to inspire you to write”

Let Us Go

struggling to find a good balance between my confidence and insecurities. too much of either is bad, obviously. its really bad for building relationships to be all insecure like this.

Addicts Arise When I Arrive

I can do this voice.

If Imma Do It, I Gotta Change The World Through Her

I'm not attracted to women who are have what I call the princess complex. They feel entitled to certain things because of their gender. They expect to be protected and taken care of by their significant other. I cant stand this damsel in distress frame of mind and try to keep my friends from falling into that line of thinking. I think we should all work to be independent and not be dependent on others.

That being said, we are all dependent on others for many things. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to be efficient, functional independent people.

I agree with feminists on a lot of points because in the end, i believe that we share the same goals. We both want equality. People who have this princess complex aren't working towards independence or equality. They expect to be handed things that others have to work hard for.

Imma Keep Flirtin

My spring break anthem. Another one of those perfect "riding round the city on a sunny day, bumpin music with the windows down" kinda song.

You socked me in the balls and ran off

Lykke Li - I Follow Rivers from The Line Of Best Fit on Vimeo.

dammit i wish learning guitar was as easy as i thought it would be. i havent touched my guitar in damn near a year. i still dont know how to do anything with it, other than look like a complete idiot.

"Love is the Only Thing That Can Save Us All"

My Life My Life My Liiiiife

VCA 2010 RACE RUN

full screen this and try to imagine trying to hold in all that adrenaline