One of the biggest things I look for in a girl that I consider a potential girlfriend is how we argue. If the dynamics behind our arguments are even a little bit unhealthy, then it doesn't bode well for her and I. To explain, lemme introduce a sports analogy.
In any major sport, coaches and general managers need to have a general philosophy on how to build their team. Together they need to decide the direction that the team will take.
Will they sacrifice long term success for making a run in the short term? Will they tank in the present in hopes of doing well in the future? Are they more concerned with getting wins above everything or does the process matter?
That last question is huge. Being result-oriented means you don't give a damn how things play out, as long as you get results. It doesn't matter if your team played terribly as long as you got the win.
Being process-oriented means you don't mind taking a loss if it means that your team was still playing its best, playing the way you want them to. It doesn't matter that your team lost because they still played well and stuck to the game plan.
In sports, it's a luxury to be able to afford to try to go for being both process-oriented and goal-oriented. I can't think of one franchise that successfully goes for both; pretty much every franchise chooses one or the other.
And when arguing with the person you're in a relationship with, just like sports, you have to choose one or the other. In this case, being goal-oriented means you care about who wins and who loses. It's almost like sports where you keep a count of wins and losses.
In my case, I'm very much process-oriented. This means I don't care who wins and who loses the arguments. I care more that we argue in a decent and healthy way. I hope we keep the yelling and screaming to a minimum and work more towards keeping a decent discussion with us working rationally and logically towards a shared conclusion.
I could see someone making the argument that if my boo and I are working logically and rationally, that just doesn't sound very romantic; that this way of arguing is devoid of passion and emotion. To that I say that it's not like logic and emotion are on opposite ends of a scale; both are, in my mind, completely independent variables. To say that a logical and rational argument is an argument devoid of emotion and passion is ignorant. I guarantee that my arguments with my boo are going to be full of emotion and passion. I can't imagine anything more beautiful than mi novia y yo working together to solve our problems in a logical way. Hell, afterwards we could celebrate by fucking each others' brains out or cooking a nice dinner together. Yeah, fuck anyone who says that logical and rational arguments lack passion and emotion. Just because we're not yelling and screaming doesn't mean we're not taking each others' emotions into consideration.
tl;dr Fuck who wins and who loses, it's okay to take a loss. It's more important that the arguments that take place between mi novia y yo are process-oriented as opposed to goal-oriented.
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