I love listening to “A Little Bit” by Lykke Li, because it is such a true and honest song that reflects a lot about how I feel about love.
A part of me is terrified of commitment. Sticking with one person for an extended period of time is, at best, a terrifying thought. Not that I would go around hooking up with other single people with no strings attached, but I just feel so secure with my life as a single bachelor, that I’m afraid that commitment would ruin that.
I have problems pulling the trigger and telling others that I like them, let alone love them. Lemme put a disclaimer here: I have no clue what love is. I know what love means to me, and I’ve felt it for many people. It’s come in many shapes and forms and degrees, but very rarely has it come in a romantic sense. I know I’ve felt love before, but probably not the type of love that marriages and lifelong commitments are built on.
Another reason I love “A Little Bit” is because of the way it describes the incredible feeling of admitting your true feelings for someone. It’s such a one-of-a-kind experience, an experience that puts one’s character to the test. I’ve found that with many of the girls that I’ve had a crush on, I’ve been to scared to admit to myself that I liked them, when in reality, when I shut my eyes, they were all that came to mind.
I’m confident enough in my competence and philosophy on life that I trust that my life will turn out fine, no matter what circumstances I’m put in. However, I hope and pray that somehow, through all of my triumphs and successes, my failures and low points, that I will find someone that I’ll be able to share those triumphs and failures with; someone to whom I could admit that I truly love, if only a little bit.
I recently put up a quiz on facebook titled "How Well Do You Know Ryan Manalili?" I'm sure you're well aware of what kind of quiz I'm talking about. One of my questions was something along the lines of, "If I had one day left to live, what's the craziest thing I would do?" The correct answer on the quiz was "business as usual," that I would live that last day the same way that I live any other day, that I choose to live every day as if it is my last. As ideal as that sounds, I was called out on that answer by a friend of mine. Admittedly, he was correct in calling me out, because if I were actually living every day as if it were my lsat, I wouldn't hesitate as much in admitting my true feelings for the few people that I've chosedn to hide my true feelings from.
ReplyDeleteI felt like I should include this in this particular blog somehow, but it didn't seem to flow as well as I had hoped if I were to add this part in. I'm working on making my blogs flow better haha.
I love that song too! :)
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