This Feeling I Would Give to You

I'm finding myself making more and more mature, grown ass decisions. I see this when I look at my dating life. If you asked me 2-3 years ago(hell, probably even as recently as a year ago), I would've told you that I'd date any girl who's remotely interested in me. "Fuck it, I'm young. I need to go out and see what kind of girls are out there," is what I'd say. I'd get with any girl, regardless of whether or not I saw myself with them in a long term relationship.

What did I have to lose? I had/have always been someone who others accused of overthinking. My ex was adamant about me needing to "think less and just do," whatever the hell that means.

So I went on dates with some questionable women. I knew going into these dates that the chances were slim that I'd want to get into a relationship with them. But hey, you never know until you try, right?

Following the date, we'd go our separate ways and everything was fine, no real harm done. But I would leave feeling empty. What the fuck was I doing going on these pointless dates that didn't tell me anything I didn't already know?

Fast forward to a couple nights ago. I had a conversation with a close friend and I found myself admitting that nowadays I need much more than superficial traits. Instead of going for any girl who's interested in me, I'm waiting out to see what they have to bring to the table. Gone are the days when I could look past the fact that a girl wasn't intelligent. Gone are the days when I didn't mind if a girl didn't have goals.

Now I won't even entertain the idea of going on a date with a girl if I feel like I can't have a great conversation with her. I know it goes against the man code; I'm supposed to take every opportunity to get pussy I can get. But I'll be damned if I go through another one of those awkward dates again. And with me being someone who catches feelings easily, hooking up isn't the most feasible option for me.

I'm left meeting different girls and evaluating them for reasons beyond "damn she has a nice rack" or "my god, look at that ass ass ass ass." Now I wanna know if she is fond of learning new things. I wanna know if she likes to travel. I wanna know what she's passionate about.

The depth of how much I wanna know about a girl is so much more than it used to be. And I think that this is a mark of maturity that I can definitely get behind.