new interest

i've been doing more growing than usual lately, in terms of knowing what i want in a romantic relationship. i've been learning a lot about what i want in my significant other, and that's also helped me learn a lot about what i like and don't like about myself. i think that everytime i've found a romantic interest, it's acted as a catalyst to the learning and growing that i do everyday. the relationships have acted as stimuli that challenge my ideas, thoughts, and each idea and thought branches out into hundreds more ideas and thoughts. i do a lot more learning about myself when i care about someone else then when i'm single and focusing more on me.

this isn't to say that i'm dependant on relationships; contrarily, i consider myself to be very independant. i've gone most of my life without needing to be in a sexual relationship. i feel like i'm a very competent individual who doesn't need to be in a relationship. however, when i am in a relationship, i think the relationship makes me want to be a better person in every aspect of my personality. i don't know whether to attribute it to my significant other making me want to be a better person or what, but i do know that i like that i'm a better person when i'm in a relationship.

some interesting quotes from songs i've been listening to:

"what if we happen to kiss, then we touch, put a rush on it, get it over with, what if i just know, what you like, and it feels right, then it's over right? what if i don't call you back, prove you right, all this lasts, just one night? maybe we should slow it downnn"

"this could be something, this could be something, this could be something, maybe it's just nothing at all..."

character

one of the things going thru my head today while working on registers at the restaurant i work at.

this is definitely not a perfect idea or ideology or whatever the fuck this is, but this is one of the things that i base my personality off of.

anytime i'm out in public, i try to display a positive attitude, being careful to be as polite and have as warming an attitude as i can. i meet a lot of people for the first time everyday, and i don't want anyone to be under the impression that i'm anything other than happy with my life, because i really am nothing but happy with my life. i have hardships and sources of stress, but compared to many other people, i have next to nothing to complain about.

i get stressed out, but there's no reason for me to take that stress out on other people that haven't had a direct effect on the stress i feel. i try to turn the page on each different person i see. if one person is giving me bullshit, i won't be afraid to show my distaste for that person. but the second that i'm done with that person, i try to go back to being positive. i see no reason to take the stress i have with one person on another person.

i kept thinking about this train of thought while ringing up this lady who was obviously having a bad day. she seemed really tense and stressed out and was sort of taking it out on me, giving me a negative attitude and acting like i was a total asshole douche dumbass. i felt like she had no reason at all to take her stress out on me, and instead should have interacted more positively with me.

i don't want to paint too negative of a picture of random people i serve while working, because there are definitely a lot of people that seem to have stressful shit going on in their lives, yet still find ways to be nice and display a positive attitude with me. i'm talking about people whose children are still growing, being loud and obnoxious. some of those same people are also trying to take care of their parents, who are getting too old to really take care of themselves. i can't help but feel compassion and a great deal of respect for these people who have so many sources of stress in their lives, yet still find ways to be positive about things.

i try to model my life after these people who display great character. when i feel stressed out, i feel like that is the time to be the most positive. it's easy to be positive when things are going great, but it shows a lot more effort and character when you display positive characteristics when things are going downhill.

btw, check out my friend gabby's associated content page! terrific writing that could only be a result of mrs. toledo's wonderful teaching! lolll

http://www.associatedcontent.com/user/571174/gabrielle_manimtim.html

singing

I came up with this after a fun session of rock banddddddddddddd.

I don't know what it is about singing that makes it so therapeutic. All I know is, whenever I let all my inhibitions go and sing a song out as loud as i can, I feel like I'm drowning out the whole world. I think the therapeutic feeling has to do with the fact that singing makes you more in tune with your breathing, one of our most basic human functions.

The therapeutic feeling is multiplied when I can relate to the lyrics. I love listening to music that I can personally relate to. At times, I like listening to music whose content I have nothing to relate to(gangster rap for example), but often, I get tired of having to draw the connections and make the analogies that I have to when listening to that stuff.

I think this therapeutic feeling also translates into the feeling that people get when smoking. I've never smoked, but I'm sure that the good feeling comes from the inhaling and exhaling and whatnot.

I have a couple more points I feel like including in this post, but I kinda just wanna go back to playing rock band lol. I'll probably edit them in eventually. If I don't, pick this up with me in a real life convo! I haven't had very many good convos lately lol