SHUT UP WHEN IM TALKING TO YOU

This is such a flex but I left for a trip to Vegas this weekend. I forgot to turn off my air conditioning. Normally i would be fucked and would be paying for electricity for no reason.

But i was able to go on this app and turn my A/C off. What a world.

Now I’m about to board my flight and can turn my A/C back on so that it’s nice and cold for me when i get back home. What a world.

Workbae

This time last year I was a supervisor. They had me cover for the training unit supervisor who supervises new workers. While I was covering for this unit, in comes this cute Filipino girl. Young, but cute. I don't date coworkers cuz that's sketch, but it's all good, she's just eye candy. It's always good to have eye candy at work!

In February of last year I got a promotion. They moved me from working downtown to working in Mission Valley. I was training brand new county workers who had to learn the job and the programs we offer. It was fun! I was with a bunch of other people my age, like-minded, who enjoyed teaching. 

While I was there, I got close with this girl named Nika. I've known Nika for years. My friend Hannah actually tried to hook me up with her years ago. Things didn't work out but Nika and I became friends and would chat from time to time. Now she's married to a Filipino dude. Now we worked together, training people. Inbetween training people, we'd talk and really get to know each other. I also got to know Rosie, this other trainer who was cool. I told them about Coachellabae and all kinds of stuff I was going through at the time. They'll be important later in the story. 

In August they change my assignment and bring me back to working downtown. Now I would be managing the welfare lobby that I used to supervise at. And one of the staff that I'd be managing is Diana! Now that I'm managing her, I'm DEFINITELY not making any moves with her. That's baaaaaad. And I'm on probation so I can't mess anything up. It's cool cuz back when I met her, she was just this new worker who was learning the job. But now she's really good! All the managers and supervisors love her. I see her a lot more often now since we work directly with each other. 

It's cool, she dresses nice. Not really in a bougie, expensive way, but I like the way she dresses. It's always cool to have that cute coworker who dresses nice. 

Now that we work together, we talk, hang out, and shoot the shit. I get to know her more. We have similar tastes in music (R&B). We would talk about music festivals and concerts we were going to. I told her about Camp Flog Gnaw, she was jealous. She went to the Coldplay concert at SnapDragon. We like NPR tinydesks and talked about ones we liked. 

With other coworkers, we talked about which high school we went to. I said I went to UC, and she said she did too! She went there for freshman year before transferring to Morse, where she graduated. She went to Morse, so of course she's from PH, which is where I'm from!

In another conversation, she was telling us how some music artist came to her college. I asked her where she went to college, and she went to UC Riverside, which is where I went! We connected a lot about that. Talked about dorming, renting apartments, etc.

During all of this we're a little flirty with each other, but nothing crazy or obvious. She'd lean over to look at my computer and leave her hair on my arm. We'd crack jokes with each other. We have a similar sense of humor. We make and laugh at the same dumb jokes. But again, she's a co-worker and I'm not dating someone I work with. 

In October, Nika and Rosie came to our office to shoot a video. They were going to different offices across the county and having people try pumpkin spice lattes. They picked me to do the video. In the room it was me, Nika, Rosie, Diana, Sahar, and another worker. They had 4 different PSLs and I had to guess which was which. I ended up getting 100% and during the video, I could tell Diana was having a lot of fun. That's cool bae, I'm glad I could be your entertainment!

After shooting the video, Nika and I chat a little bit. She asks me if there's any girls I see here now that I'm back. I'm pretty sure she's hinting at Diana, but I say that dating coworkers is SKETCH and I'm not doing anything with anyone I work with. 

Sometime down the line her boss, who I supervise, let me know that she's taking 3 weeks off at the end of December to go to the Philippines. I talk to her about it and ask her where she's from. Turns out her family lives 12 minutes away from mine! My family is from Santa Cruz, Lubao, Pampanga, and her family is from Santa Monica, Lubao, Pampanga! What a fucking coincidence. We connected a lot on this. Turns out she was born and raised there before moving to the US at 7 years old. 

What a fucking coincidence! We have SO much in common. But this one hits a little TOO close to home. When we found out our families lived so close together, her first question was "wait, are we related!?" And omg, I would have been SO MAD if we were. Thankfully, I asked my mom and we're not related to her. 

We work with a lot of Mexicans. Diana and I are the only Filipinos in our unit. We compared Mexican dishes with Filipino dishes. We both have menudo. We both have lechon. 

I realize that I'm starting to like this chick sometime in October or November. I've seen other coworkers hook up and make things work, but I can't imagine doing all that. Usually if things work out, HR will make one of the two move locations. I'm not trying to do all that, so I'm hoping one of us (preferably her) promote and we won't work together anymore. 

In November, my mom, sister, and brother in-law took me out for my birthday. We went to a restaurant that I picked. I found a random Italian restaurant named Cesarina. Diana asked what I was doing for my birthday and I said my family was taking me out to some Italian restaurant. She said "omg is it Cesarina!?" This is around the time that we started to realize that we had so much in common, so this kinda creeped me out. Did this beezy have my phone tapped or what!?

I let her know that it was Cesarina. She said "you HAVE to try the tiramisu. It's SO good. If you don't get it, I'm gonna be mad at you." Duly noted homie, I can't let my futurebae down! 

So my family and I go to Cesarina. The pasta is dopeeee. My sister let them know that we were celebrating my birthday and they said they'd bring out some dessert. They brought out dessert, but it wasn't the tiramisu! Motherfuckers. They brought out some tart that ended up being really good. But before we dug in, my sister said I had to make a wish and blow out the candle. Okay cool, one wish coming up. Don't judge me, I'm about to sound like a fucking cornball! I wished that things would work out between me and futurebae. HOW CORNY. 

After we finished the tart, they asked if they could bring us anything else. I let them know that we wanted the tiramisu. I couldn't let workbae down! 

I know what a tiramisu is. It's like a cake with a glaze on top. Well these motherfuckers bring out something called lady fingers. I was so confused. Then they pour cappucino on top. WTF, this is the strangest tiramisu I've ever seen! Then they pour something called marscipone cream on top, and finish it off with some chocolate powder or something. I had to confirm with my sister but this was indeed tiramisu. I was confused, but it was SOOO good. Good recommendation, workbae!

I go to work the next morning and Diana asks me if we got the tiramisu. I tell  her that they brought out a dessert for my bday but it wasn't tiramisu. She told me she was SO disappointed in me. Then I explained the rest and how I was confused about what a tiramisu was. I guess I'm not cultured enough, lol. I thanked her for the recommendation and it was lit. 

I leave for my trip to Europe which was lit. I came back a couple weeks later. That Monday morning, I came in and she and her boss told me that she had some news for me. Turns out, she's leaving! She's promoting and leaving our office. Not just that, but she's promoting to QC, which is the same job I promoted to from my first county job. This just adds on to the list of things we have in common! She said she's sad she didn't get to tap into me to prepare for her job interview, but I was happy she didn't even end up needing the help!

Now it's LIT. We're no longer going to be working together! I can make a move without feeling guilty. Now I'm starting to flirt a little more, without being obvious to everyone else. She gives me crap because I don't know Tagalog or Capangpangan, our dialect. She gives me shit because she says I pronounce kare-kare wrong. Another thing, she's still going to be working in the same building, different floor.

So it comes to her last day with the office. I'm planning out how I'm gonna say bye to her and this other worker who happened to be leaving that day as well. Well my plan got cut out from under me because my boss needed me to leave and go cover for another manager at the other downtown location. So I left right away and when I got there, I realized I wouldn't be able to say bye to Diana in person! 

So I gameplan how I'm going to say bye to her. There's no way I'm gonna see her in person for the rest of the day, so my only option is to say bye over Microsoft Teams instant messenger. The plan is to send her 2 messages: the first is a professional message, the 2nd is more of me shooting my shot. I send her a message thanking her for being such a great worker, that we'll miss her, and we know she'll make us proud. I said sorry that I'm not able to tell this to you in person the way I wished.

I was typing out the second message, when I saw that she was typing. She messaged me saying "Wait, are you not going to be here next week!?" and I say I am going to be here, I thought today was your last day! She said no, next Friday was going to be her last day. Now I'm flustered, annoyed that I got the date wrong. But it's lit, now I can say bye to her in person. I can also do a little more flirting next week, lol! I let her know that I wanted to get lunch and it'd be nice cuz we won't be coworkers anymore so I can be a little less filtered and we can swap UCR stories and whatnot. And she said she's down! It's LIT.

So I'm thinking about her all that weekend. I kinda need to confirm that she's single! I can't broach that subject at work, it's kinda weird. So I reached out to the homie Nika. I looped her in on everything. Nika confirmed that Diana is indeed single. It's LIT. However, Nika warns me that Diana is getting over a bad breakup and she's heartbroken. The last time they hung out, they got dinner and Diana broke down and cried in the middle of the restaurant. That's pretty bad! I appreciate the homie Nika letting me know that part. 

The next day, one of my staff was playing music. He played "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls. I told him and other staff how that song reminds me of the first time I was heartbroken. I was talking to this girl named Alana Griffin. We were supposed to end up dating each other, I was supposed to lose my virginity to her, but without going into details, I fucked things up and we didn't end up getting together. It ended up just being a talking stage with nothing more than making out. 

It HURT. I was soooo hurt. You don't know how to deal with heartbreak the first time it happens! I found myself wrapped in a blanket, lying down on a couch, listening to two songs on repeat: Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls and Better in Time by Leona Lewis. I couldn't cry, no tears were coming out, but I was SOBBING. My chest HURT. I did that for a good hour before I came to and shook out of it. And my staffmember playing that song reminded me of it!

I told that story to Diana and she connected to it. She said that those were my songs, and she had a similar situation but her song was "The Scientist" by Coldplay. She said that when she went to their concert a few months back, she was hurt and it made the concert all that much better. It was nice to hear her open up a little bit. 

So her last day, there's like an hour and a half left before she leaves for vacation and leaves our office for good. I'm hanging out with her outside, shooting the shit inbetween working. She asks me if I've ever eaten balut. I tell her HELL no. She says she LOVES it. Our mexican coworkers agree with me and I shame the shit out of her. She's TOO Filipino. She's TOO adventurous. Then she sees Agnes, this Filipino auntie who we work with. For context, Agnes is the sweetest woman ever. She brought lumpia and pancit that day for everyone. 

Diana sees her and says we need to settle this once and for all. We need to ask Agnes if I pronounce kare-kare correctly. So we call for her to come out. While we're waiting for her, I say wait, we need to put stakes on this! What happens if I win and what happens if you win? Diana says that if she wins, I have to eat balut. I tell her I will straight up throw up. I was gonna say that if I won, she would have to let me take her on a date or something similarly flirty, but I couldn't do anything in front of other coworkers. We didn't end up coming up with anything specific because Agnes came out.

Agnes comes by and Diana starts talking but I say WAITWAITWAIT. First of all, Agnes, thank you for bringing pancit and lumpia. It was super good. I ask Agnes if she knows the Filipino dish kare-kare. She says she does, and I say it's really good right!? Well when you hear me say it, do I say it with an accent, or do I say it correctly? 

I'm so excited for her to validate me. Diana and I have been talking shit for weeks, and now I'm finally gonna be able to say I say it right! And Agnes goes and says I say it correctly! I was SO HYPED. I talked so much shit to Diana afterwards. Agnes kind of walked it back afterwards and said that Diana has to understand, I was born and raised here, I don't know the language. But the damage was done! I was pronounced the winner. 

I didn't get to say bye to Diana that day the way I really wanted to. I kind of walked her to the parking structure but I had to leave to do work related stuff on a time crunch. But walking to the parking structure we did say we'd get lunch together and hang out when she came back. And now she's gone for 3 weeks, returning on the 16th. She said she'd film a video of her eating balut. We'll seeeeeeeeeeee!

Lake Como

The next day I had to catch up on sleep and adjust my circadian rhythm. I was awake at like 4:00am, trying to sort out what to do. Thankfully i had kept this day and the following day devoid of plans, which made it easy for me to rest if needed. 

I had complimentary breakfast at the hotel. Normally i don’t mind if i have complimentary breakfast, since I’d rather get food in the city. But because it was complimentary, i figured it’s a waste of money if i didn’t join in.

And boy was i glad i did! The breakfast was pretty good! Croissants, focaccia, eggs, bacon, sausage. It was all really good and refreshing. I was especially impressed with the focaccia and croissants. 

After breakfast i went back to bed. I used this time to sort out what i was doing that day. The weather was great. It was sunny and 45 degrees but i don’t mind the cold. It was going to rain the next day so i figured that if i was going to do anything outdoors, today would be the day. I opted to take a day trip to Lake Como, which is right outside of Milan.

This taxi driver took me from my hotel to the central train station in Milan. We drove past the San Siro and talked about soccer. Hes an interista. He asked me about these glasses i put on the seat. I thought he wanted them, so i passed them to him. Turns out he was asking if it was mine or not. I guess he was going to try to return them to the previous person. 

I handed him my credit card. He didnt have his POS terminal plugged in. He asked if i had cash. I told him i only had card. He asled again for dollars. I read about how taxi drivers prefer cash, for tax purposes. I insisted on card. I lied and said i only had card.

In the end, he plugged in his POS terminal and charged me €32 when his reader said €31.50. He rounded up which rubbed me the wrong way but it’s only €0.50. I can spare that lol. I felt weird about him insisting on cash instead of card, and then rounding up. But i still tipped him $4 cuz why not. He was delighted and invited me inside for some coffee. He got me a cappucino and we drank really quick before he headed on his way. What a nice guy!

My train arrived in como and saw what i swear was a path that i walked when i was here back in 2019. I walked to a theater to watch captain marvel. It was a trek because i couldn’t figure out the bus system lol. 

I arrived and knew immediately where to walk. I got to the hotel that i stayed at last time and the water ferry was right there. Such nostalgia. Got my one way ticket and the slow ferry took its sweet time. Which i was fine with, como was the only thing i had on my itinerary. I want to watch the derby d’italia back in Milan but that’s secondary to lago di como. 

The boat ride was nice. Seeing the villages along the lake was nice. I saw paths that i walked last time. I saw a spot that i slipped and fell into water. I saw birds flying alongside the boat. That was sweet. I was also super sleepy at this point. My circadian rhythm hasn’t caught up yet. I only slept five hours if you don’t count the 40 minute nap i took last night. That part isn’t so sweet, but today isn’t an intense day so it’s all good. My one way ticket to bellagio isn’t as intense as the hop on, hop off thing i did last time.

When we arrived in bellagio, i tried to spot the famous spot overlooking an alley with the lake and mountains in the background. I couldn’t spot it but when i got my feet on the ground, i knew exactly where to go. The gelato spot was there at the bottom of that alley and i indulged in the first gelato I’ve had this trip. And it didn’t disappoint.

I trekked to the top of the alley and there were more people this time, taking pictures and taking in the scene. I got a quick photo or two and hung out for a bit.

After that i went to look for the park that i posted up at for a while previously. I ended up finding another path with more nice views. Shoutout to exploring and getting lost. It’s one of my favorite parts of traveling. 

I eventually found my way back and ended up at the park. I chilled on a bench, admired the view, and listened to music. Another staple of Ryan manalili solo travel adventures. So much fun. So relaxing.

I started to feel the need to pee so i went looking for a restaurant or bar. They were all packed and i ended up making my way to punta spartivento, the tip of bellagio and probably the best view in all of lake como. I hung out and chilled there for a while.

Then i made my way back to the ferry landing, looking for a bathroom spot. No luck, so i bought a ticket to the next ferry. I figured I’d just get on the ferry and pee in the bathroom there. 

Well when i got my ticket, the person at the kiosk asked if i wanted the fast ferry or the slow ferry. I opted for the fast ferry which, as it turned out, wouldn’t arrive for another 1.5 hours lol. So i found the next restaurant, sat down and ordered, and used their bathroom. I got a slice of pizza and a medium graffe of house red wine. That medium graffe was a lot and i ended up getting drunk. It was pretty nice, getting wine drunk and watching the sunset while listening to podcasts.

I waited in line and finally got on the fast ferry. Still drunk, i knocked out about 10 minutes into the ride. I woke up and saw we were arriving at some spot. I looked and we were already at como! I got my act together and hopped off the ferry.

When we arrived, i saw the skating rink and Christmas tree were lit. I hung out and chilled there for a bit. There was a portopotty which i took advantage of. I walked around and reminisced on some spots i had been to. In my reminiscing, i came across a Christmas market!

It was the first one I’d seen this trip. It was small but it was dope. Mulled wine, charcuterie, Christmas ornaments, it hit all the things you want to see. It had the wooden stalls, it was great. I grabbed some mulled wine and took it all in; why not? I was already drunk from the wine in bellagio lol.

I kept walking around and saw a huge church in didn’t see last time. I walked to another end of como which reminded me that i had been to a Brazilian churasscario or whatever it’s called! That was a nice moment.

I kept walking and finally made it to the train station. The train taking me back to Milano centrale wouldn’t arrive for another 50 minutes, which was fine because i needed time to sit down and write all of this down anyway. Now i plan on going back to Milano, taking a taxi back to the hotel, and watching the derby d’italia in my room 😀

Milan-Fiorentina

Walking to the San Siro is such a special feeling. You’re walking alongside thousands of other fans. It feels like a real spectacle. I got inside and once i entered the stadium and looked around, i got caught up in the emotion of how huge San Siro is. Milan won 1-0, not necessarily in convincing fashion, but a win is a win. We’re in the middle of an injury crisis so its tough for us to scrap out wins, but we pulled this one out.

The highlight of the game is a 15 year old named Francesco Camarda got to play, making him the youngest ever player in Serie A history. He’s only 15 so he should be playing with the under 15 teams, but hes been breaking records when he plays at that level (almost 500 goals). So he’s been playing with the Primavera (under 19 team) instead and has been holding his own. It’s annoying that we have an injury crisis but it’s nice to have been there to witness history.

Evergreen

 Let’s catch up. I want to journal more. This will help with that effort. 

I’m writing this while sitting on a couch, listening to a dope playlist, in Milan. I’m jetlagged and finally getting over a cold. I’m wearing a bathrobe provided to me in a room that i got upgraded to. I’m energized and in a mood. 

What a flex that I’m able to do this in my lifetime! My heart is so full.

During thanksgiving, i shared my coachella story with my cousins. I was reading some of the details from this blog so that i could share every gory detail. My cousin asked if i journaled and it reminded me that it’s something that o want to do. They say that journaling is one of the only things that all great leaders do (source needed, lol). And here i am, doing some journaling.

My flight here was cool. I was flying from San Diego to Newark, Newark to Milan Malpensa. The flight from San Diego to Newark was okay. I used one of my 2 passes to the United Lounge and it was a nice reprieve, nothing crazy. The flight itself was okay. I was in coach and it was like any other flight I’ve taken. 

I arrived in Newark and had an almost 4 hour layover. I used my other United Lounge pass and returned to the nice lounge that i went to last time i was in the Newark airport. I chilled and recharged my devices. I helped a random middle aged Indian man connect to Wi-fi. He started to annoy me with a bunch of requests, including letting him use my mobile hotspot, so i moved to the other side of the lounge.

My flight from Newark to Milan was dope. I was in premium plus (not exactly business class, but one step below). The seating configuration in my area was 2-2-2 and i had a window seat. I checked the seating chart and someone had the seat next to me, but they never showed up. I had the whole row to myself! The seat itself was comfortable as hell, but having the row to myself made it soooo much easier. I watched Bridesmaids and Parasite. That flight was a breeze.

I arrived in Milan and got annoyed with the customs line. I made it through and touched foot in Milan! I took a train from Malpensa into the city center. I wanted to avoid taking a taxi, but my hotel is far from the city center and would require multiple transfers. I opted to shell out the extra cash and took a cab. 

The cab driver was an Interista but he was nice enough. He gave me some recommendations and was chill. I got the hotel and checked in. They had an upgrade to a junior suite available but i would have to wait a couple of hours. I didnt mind waiting! I had a four day stay planned, so i would absolutely appreciate the upgrade.

Well the room definitely took a few hours before it was ready, lol. I chilled in the hotel lounge for a couple of hours. I walked to the San Siro and took it in. Its so crazy to see. It brings emotion each time you see it.

I grabbed a pizza and went back to the hotel. It was pretty cold! I had a coat that I had just bought and loved it. I posted up in the lounge for a while until my room was ready. I dropped all my stuff off in the room and freshened up. I had Milan-Fiorentina to attend that night, i had to make sure i was feeling good!

I Try Hard to Keep You Close

 I love Christmas markets. I love when neighborhoods are decked out in Christmas decorations. Christmas Card lane, Candy Cane lane, gimme allladat.

Coachella

     I had such a wonderful Coachella. Lots of highs, a couple of lows. Thankfully the highs VASTLY outweigh the lows.

    Thursday - Get Rommel and pack stuff from his and Romulo's house. Go to Ralph's, get starbucks, and we're on our way. We get to Coachella an hour before Romulo and company do, so Rommel and I get Thai food at a pretty good Thai restaurant. We meet up with Romulo and co. at a Ralph's before we caravan into the campsite. They search our car and our persons and we get our 4 parking spots that form a square, just as we planned. We set up tents and canopies and chill. 

    We planned on drinking and hanging out with our neighbors for the night. I wanted to go to the Silent Disco but I didn’t get to go because I drank way too much. Our neighbors had me slap the bag (boxed wine) and I got way too faded off of that lol. I ended up passing out and waking up at midnight, throwing up right outside our campsite. I went to the bathroom, came back, and threw up again. Not a great feeling, lol. 

    Friday - I woke up, showered, and prepared for the busiest day of the festival for me. So many acts to see, so little time. The first act that I wanted to see was Domi and JD Beck, which didn't start until 2:40PM. I took shrooms in chocolate form and made my way to the festival. Halfway to the festival, Romulo called and asked if I was still at the campsite. One of our friends left his phone there and wanted to make sure we kept it secure somewhere. I walked back, found the phone, and left it in a secure pouch. 

    I got to the festival, walked in, and was overwhelmed by how many fucking people were there. I'd gone to Coachella once in 2015 but I went weekend 2 which is less busy and Coachella has only grown in popularity throughout the years. I walked through security and BOOM, there's the infamous Ferris wheel right in front of me. There's the huge Sahara tent. There's the huge weird colorful twisted walkway tower thing. I'm starting to really trip at this point. I have to reassure myself that I'm okay, I'm just feeling the shrooms at this point. I'm fine, I just need to enjoy the high and handle myself well.

    I need to find my way to the back of the festival grounds. Domi and JD Beck are at the Mojave tent wayyyy in the back. I'm keeping my composure, making my way while people watching. I'm tripping hard so seeing all these people dressed up, high, drunk, having fun, was amazing. I get to the tent and they're jamming out. As I make my way through the crowd, they bring out Mac Demarco, who I had seen at Coachella back in 2015. It was dope seeing him again! I'm jamming out, feeling the music and how different it feels like on shrooms. Then they bring out Thundercat! That dude is always running around doing music lol. 

    After their set, I make my way to the next tent over, the Gobi tent. It was this cool intimate tent with chandeliers hanging. There I would see Gabriels, this random gospel/jazzy/doo-wop band that I found while in Denver. I went to Denver 2 months ago for vacation. My phone wouldn't connect to my rental car, so I listened to this indie radio station that turned out to be DOPE. It felt like every song they played was something I enjoyed. I added a Gabriels song to my playlist and haven't stopped listening to it since.

    I'm tripping HARD at this point. Out comes the lead singer for Gabriels, this comically big black dude with a comically big voice. He's wearing this crazy colorful robe/coat. There's the keyboardist and violinist. They hit the stage and this motherfucking black dude is singing his fucking ASS off. The only thing I could compare it to is Gallant. He's doing things to this mic that supercede singing. He's hitting high notes that shouldn't be possible. I wanted to grab someone by the collar and ask them if I was the only one seeing what was going on on this stage!? I only know the one song from this band that I heard while I was in Denver. But even then, I was feeling each song soooo much. There was a point where they stood still, built up tension, and he sang this very dramatic song. It felt like he brought the whole festival to a standstill. He had our emotions on a whim, bro! 

    Then they played Angels and Queens (the song I knew) and I bugged the fuck out. That's one of those "I'm so glad I was able to experience this" kind of things. The set was amazing from start to finish. At the end of the set the drummer threw a drumstick in to the crowd and I watched, high as fuck, as the drumstick slowly and quickly made its way to my face. Thankfully the guy in front of me grabbed it before it landed directly on my glasses, lol.

Next up on the agenda is Pusha T at the Main Stage. But I gotta make my way over there and it's quite a walk. I'm tripping balls and looking around at everything and it feels like stimulation overload. These art installations are crazy. The colors are so vivid! The sun is hot on me but I'm feeling good. This wind feels good on my skin. I'm wearing my brand new prescription sunglasses that I think look GREAT on me. I'm wearing my AC Milan jersey that I love so much. I feel GOOD. They say that shrooms amplify the mindset that you're in when you take them and god DAMN do I feel good. I remember thinking that this feeling alone was worth the price of admission. Anything good that happens to me after this is just extra credit.

I go to the Pusha T set and it's amazing as well. The sun is beaming down and the wind makes everything feel better. I'm surrounded by die hard fans who are belting out every line, every bar. I keep thinking something that I would continue to think throughout the weekend: my life is amazing and my life is dope. I can't believe that I get to live this life. The video Coachella uploaded to YouTube makes it seem like the crowd was dead, but it was far from that. Great set from King Push. I'm glad I got some aggressive rap this Coachella.

After his set I go to get food. I had only ate 3 bananas that day so I got some quesadillas and elote. Turns out it was a TON of food. I met up with Michael, Edmond, and Yvette. We went to see Tobe Nwigwe, this hype energy rapper who they're very into. I wasn't so familiar with him and I just wanted to eat, so I kicked it with them until the set started. Once it started I went off to the side and enjoyed my food. He was sick though. I dipped out early so I could get a good spot for Blink 182, which was one of the biggest names of the festival. 

I got to the big Sahara stage that they were performing at and thankfully got a decent spot in the center of the stage. They were dope. Seeing them perform some songs from my childhood was amazing. We were all singing at the top of our lungs, nostalgic af. I also had random girls in front of me who were too drunk and couldn't handle themselves. One of them was stumbling around and bumping into everyone around her. I told her friend that she needs to keep an eye on her because she's going to start pissing people off. Freaking rookies! Anyways, the Blink 182 set was freaking epic.

After that I went back to the tent to chill and decompress before heading back into the festival to see Gorillaz. The shrooms were wearing off so I took some ecstasy and headed back in. I wasn't familiar with a lot of the Gorillaz songs but when they played the songs that I did know, I rocked the fuck out. Feel Good Inc. is incredible in a festival setting. Ecstasy wasn't the same psychedelic experience that I got from shrooms, but I did feel euphoria. 

After the Gorillaz set, choices had to be made. There was Metroboomin and FKJ, performing at the same time at other stages. Bad Bunny would also be performing there at the main stage that I was already at, in an hour and a half. I remember seeing what happened to the latinas at my work the day after Bad Bunny performed in San Diego. All of their voices were gone and they couldn't stand for long because they had been dancing all night. This dude is the #1 artist in the world right now-I can't miss this. I elected to stay at the main stage and get a good spot for Benito.

While waiting for Bad Bunny, I see this girl standing alone, hanging out and biding her time just like me. I didn't get a good look at her but I could tell she was pretty. I introduced myself, shook her hand, and said "Hey I'm Ryan, it's nice to meet you. We've got an hour and a half to kill. How's your Coachella going so far?" We start talking and hit it off. I had only just met this girl but it felt like we already had a rapport. It felt like we had known each other for a while and things were just flowing. No awkward silences, no weird topics, just good conversation. 

Here's what I learned about her:

• Her name is Fabiola. 10/10 name. She's from Denver and is solochella'ing it. This strikes a chord with me because I LOVE solo travelling. It's my jam. We nerd out and talk about our solo travelling exploits. Favorite cities, favorite foods, etc. Her friends weren't able to come to Coachella so she made it happen by herself. I LOVE that energy. I told her that I love that energy and I'm so glad that she's here. 
• She's only staying for day 1. She's going to Joshua Tree the next day and has a flight back to Denver on Sunday at noon. I told her she's crazy for paying for Coachella tickets and only staying for ONE NIGHT!? She's got to see Frank Ocean. She's got to see Kali Uchis. Wth is going on around here!?
• The more I talk to her, the more I'm looking her in her eyes. We're laughing, cracking jokes, smiling. Idk if it's her eye makeup or what, but she has BEAUTIFUL eyes. She has this cute blue jacket on. So I realize that not only was I right about her being pretty, she was fucking BEAUTIFUL. She's a 10 for sure. Now I'm trippin out like damn, I'm really glad I struck up this conversation, lol. 
• She has two older sisters, 2 nieces, 1 nephew. She's the cool auntie :)
• She's an HR director for a small medical company. She's working on her MBA. 
• We talked about who we saw earlier and I told her about my Gabriels experience. I only know of them because of my trip to Denver, and here I am talking to her, someone who lives there! 
• I told her how good shrooms had me feeling earlier. She said she's tried shrooms before and had good times. I told her that she's crazy for only staying for one day. She should come back from Joshua Tree and come back to the festival for at least Saturday night, if not Sunday as well! We can do shrooms and go into the festival together. If she's down, she should give me her phone number so we could figure out the details.
• She told me she'd consider it and gave me her phone number. SCORE.
• I told her that it's about to get crazy up in here and we'll probably get separated but to text me the next day and let me know if she's down. I lost her in the crowd pretty quickly and didn't see her again for the rest of the night. I was really hoping to walk her back to her car, but she told me later that she dipped out a little early.

I enjoyed Bad Bunny's set. That dude is a motherfucking superstar. I went back to my campsite and texted her, asking that she let me know that she got home okay.

Well this motherfucker didn't text me back! So I went to sleep, assuming she'd just fallen asleep and didn't see my text. I have her saved in my contacts as Fabiola Denver since I don't even have her last name, lol. I was hoping to wake up to a text from Fabiola Denver saying that she's home okay. But nope, no text! 

Now I'm thinking she gave me the wrong number! I'm SO disappointed. We had such a good conversation and I felt like we were cool. I don't think I said anything weird or creepy or anything that would lead her to give me the wrong number. Maybe she did give me the right number but I typed it wrong into my phone? Idk. Either way, I'm learning to enjoy people for however long they are in your life. We were strangers who shared a great convo while waiting for Bad Bunny to hit the stage. There's nothing wrong with that.

I shower and get ready for the day. At 8:00AM, I get a text from Fabiola! She thanked me for checking and making sure she was okay, and said she zonked out when she got back. She said she'd be going to Joshua Tree but would we could do the shrooms and see Labrinth perform later that night. We could maybe even go to the silent disco together later in the night. SCORE. Not only did she not give me the wrong number, we have plans to hang out THAT NIGHT!? I can't begin to describe how great I feel at this point, so I won't even try.

Now the stage is set for a DOPE night. I have plenty of time to kill. There are acts performing that I want to see but not strongly. I end up going to the merch store. It took TWO HOURS to get to the front and I was in a "fast lane." I got to the front and showed the guy the two crew necks and one t-shirt that I wanted. They were sold out of one of the crew necks and out of my size for the other crew neck. I had to settle for the t-shirt, which I didn't even end up liking all that much. 

I was so frustrated with that experience that I went back to the tent to decompress and build my energy back up. I chilled for a bit before seeing Rosalia on the main stage. She killed it. She's so emotive. Her facial expressions are so strong. She's definitely a star. 

While watching Rosalia, Fabiola texted me saying she's here at the festival now. She's waiting in line to get a drink but is ready to meet up. I texted her that Rosalia's set is almost over so we should meet under the purple balloon art installation. 

Well, cell phone reception isn't great at festivals. I didn't see until after Rosalia's set that my text about meeting at the purple balloons didn't go through. Fabiola and I played phone tag and couldn't even hear each other over the crowd. It took us a while but we ended up meeting at the beer garden. She said she was at the right side of the bar. I got there but she was no where to be found. She told me that she made a mistake and was actually at the left side of the bar. I head over there and see her hanging out, waiting for me. She was nice enough to buy me a beer and water.

And I'm looking at her and she's looking GOOD. She did her hair all nice. Her makeup is on point. Her outfit is on point. Her nails are on point. Holy shit, this is happening! I'm HYPED. We chat and joke about how hard it was to coordinate meeting up. She tells me about Joshua Tree, shows me pictures she took, and I tell her about my merch store disaster. 

Randomly this Persian dude walks up and says hi to her. I shake his hand and introduce myself. He talked to us for a while and I was cool with him, but we had plans and he was killing the plan dammit. So I told Fabiola that we should get going. We left and walked to my campsite. She told me that she's only staying here for day 2 because I convinced her. I told her that I'm glad she stayed-tonight is about to be crazy! We got right back into having GREAT conversation. I think the entire time we spent together we had 10/10 conversations. We talked about our jobs, our families, our experiences so far at Coachella, music, movies, tv shows. I was having such a great time. 

We get to the campsite and use the bathroom (portapotties) near our spot. On our way back to our campsite, we noticed Blackpink's drones flying around above the main stage. They were doing wild shit. I saw them form a butterfly and float around. Seeing that off in the distance, with a beautiful girl that I'm about to do shrooms with and go into the festival with!? 10/10 experience. 

We talk more about our families and our Mexican and Filipino upbringings. I show her the chocolate candy shrooms and how I figured out the dosage. The box says 1-3 pieces for a microdose, 5-10 for a psychedelic experience, and 15 for a religious experience (lol). We had 15 pieces total so I took 8, she took 7. We discussed our plan for the night. We'd see Labrinth for the full shrooms experience. She had told me the previous night while we were waiting for Bad Bunny that I should see SuicideBoyz. I told her that I was down to go see them, but she said that their music wasn't really made for those on shrooms. We should go to Calvin Harris instead. I didn't care WHO we saw, I was down to do whatever with her lol. 

We get into the festival, plan out how to get to the Mojave stage. She needs to go to the bathroom so we stop by beforehand. At this point we're already tripping and are careful with everything. She gives up on the bathroom as we don't have much time left and the line was taking forever. We make our way to the stage and we're towards the back of the tent. As the set goes on and on, we continue making our way towards the center middle of the stage. During this process, me and Fabiola are talking and getting to know each other more. Again, 10/10 conversation. 

As we're talking, I'm looking at her and this woman is BEAUTIFUL. I'm here, high as balls, with the prettiest girl in the room. I'm having SUCH a good time. We're both tripping the fuck out, dancing together. My hands are on her waist, hips, this music is dope. I cannot explain how dope this feeling was. This feeling alone made my whole weekend worth it. He brought out Billie Eilish and everyone rushed the stage and we got even closer to the front. I find myself going back and listening to Labrinth more and more just to relive this experience.

After the set we left and prepared for Calvin Harris. We found some good portapotties that didn't have a line. I sat around and waited for Fabiola. She finally came out and told me that she was going to be a party pooper. She had an emergency in the bathroom and wouldn't be making it to Calvin Harris. I said okay and we walked together back to her car. She parked as FAR away as possible. She thanked me for walking her back to her car because it was difficult to find. I thanked her for coming back to enjoy the festival with me and how much fun I had with her tonight. She left and I walked my tired ass back to camp. I was still high as FUCK. I was concerned about her getting home so I texted her, thanking her again and asking her to let me know when she's home safe. 

She didn't text me back AGAIN. I went to sleep worrying about her. I woke up worrying about her. I had an incredible night with her but it all means nothing if she doesn't get home safe. I was still high when I went to sleep so I can only imagine her driving home. Fortunately she eventually texted back and said she was okay. 

Now I started thinking about how crazy this experience has been. I loved spending time with this woman. She has a flight in a couple of hours but I really want her to stay. I can get her a hotel room and change her flight if she's down. I did some research and found that it was actually very feasible for me to make this happen. All I needed was a yes from her and I’m booking this hotel and flight! But wait, that's a LOT to ask. You just met this chick the other day. You gotta slow your roll bro! 

But you also gotta look at it like this: Would you regret not asking her? Are you scared of rejection? Which would be worse: her saying she's not down or you living with the wonder of if she would say yes or no?

I live by the philosophy that shooters shoot dammit! That's what they do.

I shoot my shot and ask if she'd be down for that. If the thing that's holding her back is a hotel room and flight change, I can fix that! Frank fucking Ocean is performing tonight and the idea of spending the set with this beautiful latina woman who I met AT COACHELLA, when Frank Ocean has a song about a girl he met AT COACHELLA!? There's nothing better! If there's any way I can make this happen, I'm doing it.

She said that she couldn't do it, that her parents would kill her if she stayed another day. She also mentioned a couple of times throughout the weekend that she wants to get an early start on her week. She's a woman of routine and wanted to get a lot of things done on Monday. 

I was so disappointed. I was going to see Frank Ocean put on an EPIC performance. This will be his first live performance in YEARS. I have a chance to see him perform, and I could be here with this woman who I have IMMACULATE chemistry and vibes with, that I MET AT COACHELLA. And I wouldn't be spending the Frank Ocean set with her. It's not going to be the same without her. But it's okay, I'm not going to let this define my Coachella Sunday. Like I said, I'm learning to enjoy people for however long you have them in your life. Even if I never see her again, I'm very happy and content with the time that I spent with her. I texted her back and thanked her again for a great weekend.

So it's time to figure out how I'm going to make my Sunday as dope as possible. We were partying and drinking, playing beer pong. I was in a sad mood but I'm not going to let this bring down my Sunday entirely! 

We drank and drank and drank. I had one ecstasy pill and planned on taking it for Frank Ocean's set. What a great way to end my Coachella! Well, one of our campmates offered me some shroom tea that I think he was just trying to get rid of. I took it and got ready to trip out. It didn't taste great but it didn't taste bad either. Everyone started leaving to head into the festival but I didn't need to go in until Kali Uchis performed at 6:00PM so I hung out for a while and listened to some music. The music sounded great while vibing on shrooms. 

However, shrooms amplify the mindstate that you're in when you take them. While shrooms helped me feel even more happy and confident on Friday, this shroom tea made me feel even more sad this Sunday. I recognized that this is just how shrooms work but that I would be okay when Kali Uchis started performing.

I got to the main stage and some dude was performing. He asked the crowd something like "are you guys ready to hear Porter Robinson!?" so I assumed he was performing before Porter Robinson, then Kali Uchis would perform. Turns out this guy WAS Porter Robinson, lol.

The Porter Robinson fans were so happy. They were smiling, dancing, vibing together. Meanwhile I'm over here, fighting a sad shrooms trip, lol. I tried my best to not bring down the ambience so I danced along a little bit. Dancing while you're sad is a funny image.

After his set many fans left which cleared the way for us Kuchis to get good spots for Kali's set. I found a good shaded spot but couldn't sit down. I stood for a long time before her set. The weekend had been long and my stamina was decreasing by the minute.

Kali Uchis put on one of my favorite sets! She was so good. Every song, dance, visual, was so good. "I Wish You Roses" was amazing to hear and see live. I couldn't have asked for anything more from Kali.

Then we waited for Bjork. She was fine, I just felt like every song sounded the same. We were being polite and cordial, waiting for Frank to perform. I stood the entire set, and I'm EXHAUSTED at this point.

After her set we all were waiting for Frank to perform. There was no room to sit and we had an hour and a half to kill before Frank was scheduled to start. We were all exhausted. 

We watched as time passed and the stagehands built the stage for Frank's set. We could tell he would be late, and sure enough 10:05PM passed and he didn't start. 10:35PM and still no sign of Frank. He didn't actually start singing until 11:05PM, a full hour after he was slated to start his set.

This delay was soooo annoying for us fans. It's not a great way to treat your fans. But if he puts on an epic show, all will be forgiven.  

Well he didn't put on a great show. At all. He only sang a handful of songs, in full. He had his little cousin (or something) lip sync a Bob Dylan cover. He had a full 15 minute DJ set, including visuals of a security guard twerking for entirely too long. I didn't come to see this, Frank! We want to see and hear you sing!

He had more random stuff happen that I don't even care to share. I was so disappointed in his set. Thank God Fabiola didn't stay because it was a waste of her time. Eventually Frank announced that he's past curfew and that was the end of the show. We all walked back to our cars and campsites, dejected and annoyed with what we just saw. 

That is really the end of my Coachella experience. We cleaned up our campsite, left stuff we didn't need anymore. The drive home wasn't too bad. 

Now I'm left to wonder how to handle this Fabiola situation. I really want to see her again. It remains to be seen if I can get her to meet back up. We'll SEE! :)

Some notes:

Seeing how you handle pressure and a tough situation, I respect it! Your HR department is in good hands with you as director. You don't fold, you don't freak out. I'm so proud of how we handled the entire situation. I can't think of any way we could have handled the situation better. 

It's easy to have fun with someone. It's another thing entirely to handle a tough situation well together. 

Music sounds better to me now. I dance more when I listen to music. 

You know what would be fun? I've been to Denver recently. You've been to SD before. We had fun exploring Coachella together, what if we explore a new city together? 

Bro you gotta chill. You just met this chick a day ago. But you can't really help what you're feeling. All you can do is feel those emotions and interpret them appropriately. So I recognize that I feel like I'm missing her, that I worry about her, and I can't help that. What I can help is what I do with that information. I think that as long as my heart is in the right place, things are fine!

I really like who I am when I'm around you.

Maybe I need to look at it as what it is - a fun weekend where I made a connection with a friend, and that's it. That doesn't have to be a bad thing! 

There's a Hole in the Wall

 Fucked around and caught da COVID. Then passed it on to two friends and counting. FML.

Now Any Other Day I Would Play It Cool

I recently found myself wondering how I would handle a first date. 

Do I open her car door for her? Am I that guy? Some would say "DUH YOU OPEN THE DOOR FOR HER, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN ON A DATE BEFORE!" Others would say that's too much on a first date. 

I got to the conclusion that the guys who open doors for women on dates are doing so performatively. I don't need to open your doors to show you that I'm a man. I'll do that with how I treat you in our relationship. Anyone who needs to open your car door for you is just doing so to make it look like they're a man. 

I'm definitely overthinking this but I think it's interesting!

My Love Stays the Same

I've found myself interested a lot in forgiveness lately. The way Julian Edelmann will sit down and have a meal with anti-semites is interesting. The way Jon Bernthal will sit down and do a podcast with Shia LeBeouf is interesting. We shouldn't completely cancel folks. We need them to understand that they're not shunned forever from society. We definintely shouldn't make them think that shit is all sweet either, but we shouldn't be cancelling them forever. That's how you steer folks towards anti-social behavior.

There's also a fine line between platforming someone who continues to push behaviors that we can't condone (like anti-semitism, cannibalism, racism, etc.) and sitting down and listening to someone who is repenting and trying to find ways to do better.

The Good Ones Go

 So this beezy had a boyfriend the entire time! SMMFH. When I found that out it HURT. Man DOWN!

I learned a couple of things from this:

• Relationship Ryan is not dead! I was so worried that because I've been single Ryan for so long, all of the cute relationship that I used to be into is long gone. But that couldn't be further from the truth. I LOVE cute shit. I'm still down to plan dates, I still get excited to go on dates. 
• The bar has been set. If my next relationship doesn't have me feeling this way, then I don't want it!
• I'm still committed to being single. I considered whether this excitement would inspire me to get back out there, get on dating apps, and find a girl. But it really hasn't! I really just don't want to do the work lol. Good things come to those who wait and I'm not in the mindset where I really want to get out there. But I'll gladly welcome any future bae who comes into my life!
• I bought what is now my favorite jacket because of this experience. That's a W.

Can't believe I got her out here cooking dope

I'm probably gonna regret this later, but I wanted to write down some of the things I'm feeling.

Music sounds better when you're smitten. Songs that normally sound like cheesy and corny love songs turn into the soundtrack to your effing life.

I get frustrated when I want to find love songs that fit my mood but can't find anything that really hits the spot.

Everyday I get so excited to talk to you. I go back and reread the conversations we have just to experience those emotions again. 

I write down things that I want to ask you about.

I'm happier with you than I ever was when I was single. When I'm single, I hover around the 90, 95, 100% happiness range. But when I'm with you, I reach this extra bit of happiness that pushes me to 105, 110% happiness. Being with you feels like I aced the test AND got extra credit. 

Honest Man

Me and another supervisor from another office have been talking on Microsoft Teams. We've been getting to know each other, getting chummy. We've really hit it off. 

We've got so many things in common. She's into soccer. We both love to travel. She went to the same college I did. She was in the same major. We graduated the same year. We do the same job but at different offices. 

We've hit it off so much that I look forward to talking to her everyday. It's the best part of my day. I'm fucking SPRUNG off this chick.

So yesterday I asked her out. She responded, but she only put crying laughing emojis. I was waiting for a yes or no, but didn't get any further response.

I go home and I'm disappointed. She could have just said yes or no, but she just kinda left me on read. It's so annoying! I get it, no response is a response nowadays. It is what it is, it's just the times that we're in. 

But I was so frustrated because I knew we had such great chemistry! Where tf did I go wrong? I didn't say anything crazy, I just asked her out to happy hour after work!

Maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she's just not interested, idk. Either way, I wish mfers would just give you a yes or no. Wtf happened to communication!?

So I sulked a little bit last night and this morning. I've been single for a long time now. This is the first time I've been excited about a girl in SO long. First time I've actually asked a girl out since my ex, like 10 years ago! 

But whatever, I'm 32 years old. I have enough life experience and dating experience to take my L's in stride. I'm sure she has her reasons. They're probably good reasons too. Just gotta keep it pushing.

So imagine my surprise when she messages me today after lunch and says "omg why did I just see this now? And I'm SUPER DOWN!"

Holy shit. When I saw that text, I couldn't do a goddamn thing but smile and walk away. I FORGOT just how good it feels to ask a girl out and her to say yes. It's so stupid and juvenile but it's how I felt. It kind of dominated my thoughts. Had to tell myself to focus on what was in front of me while I was at work. 

After work I went to the mall and got me a nice jacket. You look good, you feel good, yaknowwhatimean!?

lolol

My guilty pleasure is reading captions on random social media personalities' posts and judging them for grammatical/spelling errors.

Can't be a bad bitch when your grammar is off point!

Gaming PC

I want to build a gaming PC. I'm watching YouTube videos on how to do it and it's super interesting. It all seems like so much computer jargon that I don't understand. RAMs, processors, motherboards. I don't understand any of this shit lol.

It seems like it isn't too bad though. Just like building anything else, it's just following instructions, screwing stuff in, and some elbow grease.

I'm learning about my own personal learning process through this. I would prefer to really understand everything that's going on before I jump right in. I want to know all the jargon and be able to teach someone else all the jargon before I start building this PC. I feel like you should do you due diligence and proper research before you begin.

But it feels like this is one of those instances where my approach simply isn't gonna get it done. I'm gonna have just dive right in. I think it takes a certain kind of personality to really gravitate towards building a PC and I just don't have that kind of personality.

But it's fun to take on this challenge and push myself.

Recap

Let's go over a couple of things I've learned from this trip. We can start with some regrets that I have. I regret not bringing my Bluetooth speaker. I didn't bring it because I wouldn't have been able to use it at any of the hostels. But I definitely missed having it around when I was hanging out in my hotel room, chillin. It isn't that heavy and wouldn't have taken up much room at all.

I don't necessarily regret this, but this is something I would do differently. I really wanted to find a direct flight from San Diego to Europe. I wanted to see an airport that I haven't been to before. Going to a new airport in Europe that I haven't been to sounded much more appealing than going to an east coast American airport. Flying to Frankfurt then Milan sounded much more appealing than say Atlanta then Milan. But that 11 hour flight into a 1 hour flight to Milan could have been broken up into shorter flights. I've done the flagrantly long flight to Seoul/Incheon before so I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal for me. I'm glad that I did it the way I did, but now I've learned that I'd very much prefer to break those flights up into shorter increments. Next time I'll fly to Milan from Atlanta or Miami or something.

I've recently gotten into credit cards. I want to become more financially literate and learning more about credit cards has been my first step. I'm hoping that with my next trip, I figure out how to transfer all of the credit card points that I've accumulated to transfer partners and use those points towards flights or hotels. It looks like flights to Europe from San Diego using credit card points isn't the easiest thing because the few airlines that have those flights have huge fuel surcharges that pretty much negate any benefit you get from using credit card points. Hopefully I can find an airline that will allow me to fly from Atlanta or Miami to Milan using credit card points in a way that is beneficial. Otherwise I could just use my credit card points for hotels.

Each hotel that I stayed at had a bidet. It made me wonder if I would ever use one. I feel like I should be comfortable enough with my sexuality that shooting water up my butthole to clean it shouldn't be a big deal, but it really is. Lol.

Italians smoke so many cigarettes. And just litter them on the ground. I didn't notice this in Germany or in Prague. It's also crazy seeing the cigarette packs that have the crazy pictures on them. They have pictures of people dying of cancer with captions describing how bad cigarettes are. It's kind of jarring.

The guy who checked me out of my Milan hotel was Filipino and recognized my Filipino last name. One thing I've noticed this trip is that us Filipinos are really out here! I've seen many more Filipinos than I anticipated. Random Aunties who are traveling and seeing the world. Random hotel workers. Cooks. I knew Filipinos are prevalent in the hotel business but I never knew we made our way to Europe like that. Let's go Filipinos!

Traveling solo is rewarding in a way that is kind of hard to describe. It's especially difficult to describe the appeal to someone who isn't comfortable being alone. But being alone afforded me the ability to truly dictate every aspect about this trip. If I wanted to go somewhere, I just went. When I wanted. I didn't have to argue over whether it was a good idea or not. I didn't have to work with someone else's wishlist or itinerary. I didn't have to wait for someone else to get ready. I had free reign over doing literally whatever the fuck I wanted, when I wanted. It was AMAZING.

Being alone, I got to pick and choose what I was interested in seeing. I've learned that I don't really care about museums. If it aint the Louvre, then I don't really care, lol. If that makes me uncultured, so be it. I was in a bunch of cities that had great museums, but I didn't care to go to a single one. I stopped by a few but immediately remembered why I don't really fuck with them.

This trip also reaffirmed that I love wonderful views. One of my favorite things to do is to find a dope view and spend an extended period of time hanging out there. I could listen to mood music while admiring the view and feel of the place. I could just listen and people watch. Futurebae better be into hanging out at dope view spots and people watching, cuz it's definitely one of my favorite things to do.

Layovers aren't necessarily a bad thing. I wish my layovers were actually longer than they were, which is funny considering how strongly I felt previously. I always thought that the shorter the layover the better, but it's really not the case. I've never really cared about lounge access (and still don't value them thatttt much), but I'm more open to the appeal now.

I've got a weird case of the travel bug. But I also wouldn't mind not traveling for a while. The only places left on my bucket list as of right now are going back to places that I've been to but didn't spend enough time at. This means going back to Barcelona and Prague. I also want to go to Zermatt, Switzerland. I was hoping to go on this trip. It's a ski resort that has the Matterhorn. But prices were ridiculously high. Hopefully my next trip to Milan will include going back to Barcelona, Prague, and seeing Zermatt for the first time.

Sunday, March 17th. Derby Della Madonnina

The day of the game I had to think about a lot of logistics.

• The kick off time was 8:30PM.
• I wanted to be there by 6:30PM-7:00PM to soak in the pregame shenanigans.
• I had been exchanging messages with one of the guys from my favorite soccer podcast and he would meet up with fans before the game.
• Italy's riposo (siesta) is from 3:00PM-7:00PM, so I wouldn't be able to get a decent meal before the game. Probably wouldn't be able to get one after the game either.
• Soccer games last two hours, so I wouldn't return to my hotel until 11:00PM at the earliest.

With all of these things considered, I got food at some shitty fried chicken spot at like 5:00PM. It was the only place that I could find that was open nearby. I started walking to the stadium and it was almost the exact same route that I had taken to get to the stadium two weeks prior for the Sassuolo game. It was crazy because it felt like there were three times as many people walking over to the stadium this time. And the Sassuolo game had 60,000 fans in attendance!

The energy was palpable. Almost everybody was wearing the red and black colors of AC Milan. There were a decent amount of people wearing the Blue and Black of Inter Milan, but it was definitely an AC Milan home game. Which makes sense because although both teams are based in Milan, this was technically a home game for AC Milan. That means all of the seats aside from one section of the stadium are meant for AC Milan fans. So it was definitely an overwhelmingly AC Milan crowd. As we got closer to the stadium you could hear the yelling and chanting of our rabid fan base. Our team is in the brightest spot in recent history, probably since 2013, and the level of support reflected that.

It was wild because I saw fathers taking their sons to the game and what it meant to them. Children annoying the shit out of their parents, walking on the street and getting scolded for not being on the sidewalk. Thinking about how meaningful these moments are for these people was trippy. These are the memories that people hold on to for their entire lives.

When I got to San Siro, I stopped to take a look at the park that the Curva Sud pregamed at. It was legitimately scary. They were shooting off flares and fireworks. There was just an endless sea of bodies covered in red and black. I played it safe and observed from a distance.

AC Milan recently switched sponsors from Adidas to Puma, and Puma illuminated the outside of the stadium with flashing red lights. It had been flashing red since the night prior. It was a sight to see.

I waited outside the stadium to just soak in the atmosphere and culture. It was super fucking hectic. Literally tens of thousands of people pouring into the stadium. Tourists like myself taking pictures and videos. Vendors selling beer and food. I wanted to see if that woman vendor who held on to my battery pack two weeks prior was there, but that line was like 30 people deep and I didn't care enough at that point, lol.

I wasn't able to meet up with the podcast guy because his friends pulled him inside the stadium. That was a little disappointing. But that aside, the whole pregame shenanigans outside the stadium was pretty crazy to see. I made my way into the stadium and struggled to find my seat. I had paid a shitload of money for the best seat that my money could buy and when I finally found my seat, I understood why they were so expensive.

These seats were elevated enough to see the entire pitch. For the Sassuolo game two weeks prior I had gotten a seat that was close to the pitch, which was cool because I was close enough to yell at the players. But these seats had the best view of the game. I'm really glad that I had picked this game to splurge on.

One cool thing about the Derby is that the whole city shuts down for this game. It's clearly the biggest thing going on that night. It felt like the whole city focused on what was going on with the game. Girls were dressed up, showing out for the night. Grandpas and Grandmas were rooting and shouting at the top of their lungs. Celebrities from across the world were there. I got some pictures and videos which was pretty cool.

Side note: The fact that you can't embed YouTube videos on Blogger anymore is TRASH. I wish I could transfer my blog content to another medium, but that's much more work than I care to do. Anyway, here's a video of the introductions for the game. It starts out with the introduction of the Inter Milan players and goes into the introduction of the AC Milan players. The Curva Nord (Inter Milan supporters) are to my left and the Curva Sud (AC Milan supporters) are to my right. When I recorded the video, I was focused solely on my phone, so at the end of the video when the camera pans to the right, I didn't know that that surprise would be there. It was kind of breathtaking how fast that whole thing happened. Also, excuse my yelling voice. Lol.

https://youtu.be/wlKP-0Xs-6E

It was WILD. It felt so appropriate that my trip was ending with this game. I've watched so many Derby Della Madonninas from home and being there in person was a million times wilder. It really is everything that they describe it to be. Seeing and hearing tens of thousands of people chant, sing, and gesture in unison gives off the wildest atmosphere. It really is indescribable.

The game kicked off and Inter scored in like the first 3 minutes. It felt surreal. It killed my high SO quickly. I immediately went into having a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. We were favored for this game! They always say that the team that is favored ends up losing each Derby Della Madonnina, but this was supposed to be DIFFERENT. I'm here to support the boys, and they're supposed to reward me with a fucking win!

In years past, conceding a goal this early meant that we would roll over and give up for the rest of the game. But ever since we hired Gennaro Gattuso, a club legend, as our coach, that's changed. We've come back and won a BUNCH of games. When you've supported a team for years that never comes back from deficits and wins, you kind of become resigned to losing once you go down early. But Gattuso has instilled a fighting spirit in our team that we haven't seen in soooo long.

The Curva Sud did their part and cheered and chanted for our boys to fight back. I'm glad that our supporters are much more loud and boisterous than other clubs. Some soccer clubs' supporters get made fun of (Barcelona and British clubs, for example) for being so quiet. Their stadiums are called "libraries" because of how quiet their fan bases are. On one hand, it's kind of cool because they reflect a more respectful, beautiful approach to supporting. On the other hand, I very much love the fact that you can feel the roar of our supporters in the stadium. They say that our support is world class, and having experienced, I can see why.

And I mean it too. These fuckers bring flares, bombs (not lethal bombs, but bombs nonetheless), smoke bombs, it's NUTS. And the Curva Sud wasn't pulling any stops. They let off countless amounts of flares and smoke bombs. The American in me wondered how Italians allow these sorts of things in their stadiums, lol.

So fuck it, I fully believed that we would fight back and equal the score. But our team remained nervous and flat! We're one of the youngest teams in Europe so we're sort of lacking the veteran leadership and savvy to make sure we stay composed in trying moments like these. And it showed. We remained flat and didn't take any initiative for the rest of the first half. We went into the half down 1-0.

We came out in the second half and looked much more composed. Unfortunately, Inter put a stop to that real quick and scored yet AGAIN just minutes after the second half kicked off.

Now I'm SICK. I came thousands of miles for THIS.

Thankfully the team responded immediately. Tiemoue Bakayoko, a cast off whose career has seen a resurgence this year now that he's joined our team, scored a header off a free kick. It was his first goal for our team. He's become a fan favorite due to his ability to do the dirty work and the Curva Sud even has a dedicated chant for him. I've seen them chant him name in the previous games, even when he didn't play. I'm so glad that it was him who scored. In the aftermath of the game, reporters said that lip readers said that when he celebrated his goal, he looked towards the Curva Sud and said "I did it for you." That's the kind of shit that gives supporters like me a hard on. If our management don't sign him to a long contract after this season, then I give up. Lol.

Later in the half, one of the Inter players earned a penalty (which was pretty soft). It damn near silenced the whole stadium. Inter's young prospect striker scored the penalty and we were back to being down two goals.

We pulled a goal back to bring it back to 3-2 but in the end it wasn't enough. I stayed in my seat for another 20 minutes, soaking in the feeling of losing to our rivals. This game would have been HUGE for our Champions League prospects, but it wasn't meant to be. We had just overtaken Inter in the league table and this loss brought them even closer to reclaiming their lead over us. Since the game, we've hit a bad run of form and they actually have overtaken us.

So yeah, it was a shitty feeling. It wasn't the end of the world, but damn did it hurt. The game itself was super entertaining. But the walk out of the stadium hurt. Seeing Inter fans mock me and the rest of the Milan faithful hurt. I saw some who were mocking our striker's famous gunslinger celebration. Not in a malicious way, but in a totally okay, good old-fashioned fun way. And I had no choice but to just watch and endure.

I walked back to my hotel along with a sea of other Milan fans. There wasn't much else to the night. I was just sad, lol. I knew that I didn't want to do much the following day aside from prepare for my early ass flight, so knowing that this trip was ending with a humiliating loss to Inter really stung.

But overall, my experience with the Derby Della Madonnina was a positive one. There are talks that they're going to demolish the San Siro Stadium. For good reason, too. It's one of the most famous soccer stadiums in the world and has held some of the most iconic games ever, but it's clearly dated. So I'm glad that I was able to visit it before they eventually tear it down or renovate it.

I'm taking with me so many things that I'll always remember. The sight of black and red smoke filling the stadium. Flares being lit. The way Curva Sud members were standing, back lit by the flares, made it feel like they were overlooking the team and supervising. Being there for one of the most fun Derby Della Madonninas we've seen in years is something I'll be able to take with me forever.

I know that I'll be back to see Milan play in my lifetime. But who knows if I'll be able to see them play another Derby Della Madonnina? My work schedule and financial situation might dictate that I'll have to see them play other games against other teams. Which is totally okay. We lost but I can finally cross the Derby Della Madonnina off of my bucket list. It would have been nice to have left with a win, but hey, such is life as a supporter of any sports team, right?

Tuesday, March 19th. Milan

I made it boys. I got up at 4:30AM, showered, and got ready. I ate some leftover pizza for breakfast and checked out of my hotel.


My walk to the train station was long and arduous. The sun hadn't risen yet. I was walking through a neighborhood that I hadn't been to yet so it was a little weird, trying to figure out where Google Maps was directing me.

I made it to the train station on time but there was only one ticket kiosk. The dude in front of me didn't know wtf he was doing so by the time I bought my ticket, my train had left. This was worrying because I wanted to claim VAT at the airport, which would take time. Now that I missed that train, I was running low on time and I might miss out on about $65 back from the taxes I paid on my headphones and Milan jacket. As much as that $65 would be nice, it wouldn't be worth missing my flight.

The next train to Milan Malpensa left in 15 minutes, but Google Maps wanted me to take a train that arrived 5 minutes later. It took me a minute but I figured out that the first train would be making more stops and wouldn't actually arrive at the airport before the second train would.

I was annoyed because they didn't announce the platform my train would arrive at until literally 3 minutes before it arrived. I was so concerned that I was going to miss this train. This happened to me multiple times this trip so I guess this kind of thing is just a normal occurrence for train travel. I'm much more used to traveling by plane, where you know which gate you need to be at well ahead of time.


I finally made it onto the train and did the math. The train would arrive at 7:05AM and my plane to Frankfurt started boarding at 7:15AM. I had 10 minutes to make it through security AND make it to my gate. Yeah, definitely no way to claim VAT.


I arrived and hustled my way through security. I had gotten Global Entry right before this trip but it did me no good while traveling through Europe. It would have been clutch, too. Getting through security took like 20 minutes, whereas going through TSA pre-check or Global Entry was almost instantaneous.


By the time I got to my gate, they were already boarding. It was a load off of my mind because this was probably the last time on this trip that I would have to worry about getting somewhere on time. The woman at the gate made me check in my big backpack, which was strange. It wasn't an issue when I flew into Europe, but I guess they only allowed one carry on luggage per person on the flight.

The flight from Milan to Frankfurt was dope. You fly low enough to get a good look at the snow-capped Alps. I really wanted to go to Switzerland to go snowboarding during this trip, but it ended up being too expensive. I'll definitely make it happen when I come back though.


My flight arrived in Frankfurt and again I was in awe at how big Frankfurt's airport is. Going into the trip I was excited to see it because it's a pretty highly rated airport. It even has a movie theater and indoor surfing area, apparently.


My thoughts about the airport have changed though. Or I guess it's not the airport's fault, more the airline. Both times that I arrived in the airport, my flight didn't actually taxi into a gate. We would land and all passengers would have to squeeze into a bus that took us into the terminal. This added time into my already short layover. Which would be fine, except this would be my last chance to claim VAT. If I had enough time, I could locate the VAT desk, claim my $65, and still make it back in time to catch my flight.


But after the bus finally got us to the terminal, I not only didn't have time to locate the VAT desk, I actually had to hustle to my gate. I fucking HATE running through airports. This was the first time I've had to do it and I hope I never do it again.


You would think that the shorter the layover, the better. But after this trip, I think a 2 hour layover is ideal. A 2 hour layover would have given me enough time to claim VAT, fill my water bottle, and relax before my flight. Instead, my 1 hour layover resulted in me having to stress over getting to my gate in time.


I made it to my gate in time. Again they made us take a bus to our flight. I did a good job of getting to my gate on time because two more buses arrived after mine. I looked around and was gladly surprised at how empty the plane was. The row ahead of mine and behind me were empty. Or at least they were until a random German guy came last minute and sat in the row ahead of me. I guess this route isn't a very popular route. It makes sense considering LAX is a much bigger international airport and is so close to San Diego. Either way, I'm not complaining.


With no one around me, the flight back was super chill. I had movies downloaded to my Netflix, podcasts downloaded to Spotify, and my Nintendo Switch. The flight was a breeze.


One weird thing is the German dude in the row in front of me was watching some movie on the In Flight Entertainment that had nudity in it. There was a sex scene and this woman's breasts were just out and uncensored. I guess Germans don't care nearly as much about nudity as Americans do, lol.


He also pulled out some pamphlets. I read the titles and they were definitely Nazi literature. It was super strange.


We landed and I was excited to see how Global Entry worked. It was surprisingly simple. I went to a kiosk and answered a few questions about whether or not I was importing any livestock and whatnot. It took my fingerprints as well as a picture. It printed out a receipt and I was on my way.


I picked up my luggage from the carousel and made my way to the Global Entry line. I answered a few more questions about whether or not I was importing anything and was sent on my way.

All in all, it only took about 10-15 minutes between the time that I disembarked from the plane to when I was out of the airport. To be honest, we were the only international flight that arrived at that time so the benefit that I got from Global Entry wasn't as pronounced as it would normally be.


My sister picked me up and brought me back home. It felt good to be in a regular car again. I got some carne asada fries and called it a day.

Recap of the trip to come in another post.