Monday, June 28, 2010

It's a Shame

I feel fortunate to be a second generation Filipino-American. I don't really have a culture to relate to. I had nearly a clean slate to begin with. I didn't really have a sterotype to conform to. I couldn't really relate to the struggles of living in the ghetto. I couldn't relate to living a rich life. I wasn't exposed to only one kind of culture, although my location limited me to a mostly southern California lifestyle. I'm not "supposed" to be one thing or another. I control who I'll become instead of having stereotypes and others' preconceived notions shape my identity.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

It Went Really Fast

Word to the girls who are so pretty that I avoid looking in their direction at parties.

Word to girls whose voices are soothing.

Word to girls who are so pretty that I can't help but stare at them at parties.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Happiness

"I have somebody that I'm in love with and I'm happy, I'm smiling everyday."

"Dang, I got an extra $100 on my check, my car's running, my girl just made me some food, and I'm straight, I'm happy."

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Zara

I used to find no value at all in fashion. I used to think of clothes as simply a way to cover up. I thought that spending a lot of money on a wardrobe was a waste of a very valuable resource. To some extent, I still believe these things.

However, my views have changed considerably. I've realized how much power a nice outfit can have. It's a great feeling to go out and know that you look great in whatever you're wearing.

I've also realized how much of a statement you can make through what you choose to wear as well as what you choose not to wear.

I used to hate the idea that you could learn anything about a person by the way that they dressed. I didn't think that there was any way you could know anything at all about someone because they dressed a certain way.

I've learned that you really can learn about someone by looking at the clothes they choose and choose not to wear. You just need to be careful at the way you're analyzing things.

All these thoughts about fashion had me wondering what my clothes said about me. I had this lengthy and personally deep description about it, but I unfortunately forgot a few things. Here's a few things that I remember.

The outfits I wear definitely fit my personality. It tells the story of a kid that's unsure of himself, someone who's still trying to figure out his identity. Sometimes I like to put out this facade that I'm rich. Sometimes I take pride in the fact that I don't have very much money at all. I'm not someone who dresses nice all the time. I do, however, like to delve into the world of higher fashion every once in a while. For the most part, I value comfort over everything else.

I'm really happy that I was able to break through and find another way to build on my identity. I hope to build on that and find other ways to find what makes me, me.

You Promised Me You Would Never Change

I'm not afraid of change; I actually embrace it. I believe that I can take anything and adapt to it in a healthy way because of my beliefs and values. I can take "negative" things and filter out the things that I feel are unnecessary and take only the things that I find worthwhile. I like to hope that I'm constantly changing and adapting as opposed to remaining stagnant and not progressing.

However, I'm not proud to say that I don't like where I'm at right now. I don't want to be too emo and list everything that I'm unhappy about, but now that I'm stepping back and putting things into perspective, I definitely need to start getting on top of things. I can't help but sit here and wonder how the fuck did I get here? A few of my close friends have not only noted the ways that I've changed, but described to me why they don't like the ways I've changed. I really hope I can turn things around and improve my ways.

Luckily I'm on summer and I don't have very many obligations on my plate. The stage is set for me to make strides and work on improving myself. There aren't any excuses I can afford myself.

Who Would've Thought

I used to go through my life carefully, thinking out the ways that I wanted things to work out. I would be very careful and calculated about everything I did. My life was great this way, but I came under some pretty harsh criticism from some people that I care deeply about. They accused me of not "living life" and told me that I needed to stop thinking so much and just "live life," whatever the hell that means haha.

I gave in and entertained the idea of not thinking things through as much and instead running through life as a young and naive kid, making stupid decisions and not thinking things through as much.

Now my life is just as great as it was before. Not much has changed really although I have made decisions much differently than I would have previously. This has led to a lot of unwise decisions, but I cherish each experience that I've had as a result of this lifestyle change.

That being said, a big thing that helps with this change has been stepping back every once in a while and reflecting on what has happened with my life lately. This happens on many different levels, whether it be on a daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly basis.

The past few days have been laced with all kinds of these reflections. This flood of new posts will be a bunch of things I've thought about lately but haven't gotten around to posting.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Through The Park



I know I'm late on this, but here's a cool video about driving around. lol

I'm getting a new laptop tomorrow, so expect a shitload of posts about my NY trip and other random musings.

No more of this one post a week shit. hahahehe

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Power

I've never been one to get good grades. This was usually because of laziness, but even when I wasn't lazy, I would never strive to get the best grades I possibly could. I justified this by thinking that I didn't want to turn into a slave for grades. I never wanted to turn into someone who cheats, complains too much about low scores, and do unreasonable things so that I could get a high grade. I don't think I've ever even went to a teacher and argued for a better grade.

That being said, I'm going to change my ways in school, starting Fall 2010.

This Would Be a Beautiful Death

I think that it's important to think thoughts out completely and to try your hardest not to stop yourself from developing thoughts completely. That being said, I've definitely thought about "weird" things, such as suicide and homosexuality. I've thought a lot lately about the consequences of committing suicide as well as how my life would be different if I were homosexual or were to become homosexual. I'm not seriously considering suicide and I'm not homosexual, but I'm glad that I can think honestly about these matters.

21st CenturySchizoidMan

I saw two girls yelling at a third girl today. It got me to thinking about why girls can be so catty. I think that in some cases, it's because some girls are so used to being treated like princesses and queens that they develop a sense of elitism that doesn't fare well with other girls. I don't think this is the root of all cattiness but it seemed to be the case today with those three girls.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

I Forgot What It Feels Like To Be Normal



My laptop recently broke(as did my ps3), I lost the cord that connects my phone to headphones, and I'm getting killed by all of my finals. On the bright side, I got a new ipod, am about to get a macbook, am about to go to New York, and summer is almost here!

With no laptop to upload music to my ipod, I took all of my sister's old music. I've gotten a bunch of music that she would listen to back in the day. Back then, I didn't really like it, but I love this shit now.

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